Deep wounds

I wish I could post something lighthearted, funny, or the like. However, I can’t right now. Over the past week, my heart has been ripped apart by someone. “Sticks and stones…” and all that mess is a load of junk.

Words hurt.
Accusations hurt.
FALSE accusations hurt.

Over the past week, someone has made some harsh accusations without even knowing me. Calling me lazy. Saying I will be a horrible husband. Saying I won’t provide for Kindel the way I need to. Assuming we don’t keep a pure relationship (CERTAINLY without ANY evidence).

Because of who this came from (and how much I have attempted to gain their respect), this has hurt…deeply. In my head, I know without a doubt that this person’s accusations have no basis, no evidence, and they barely know me. However, despite knowing that… it still hurts.

Because of some people’s life experience, their worldview changes. They have been hurt and they are jaded with life and love. So, they just assume that others will be doomed for the same. These are just some other related thoughts going through my head (as filtered as I can be):

• Just because your marriage sucked doesn’t mean ours (Kindel and I) will.
• Just because your spouse was lazy or horrible doesn’t mean I will be.
• Just because some people can’t go through a relationship without taking their pants off doesn’t mean we are like that. I have too much respect for her
• Just because every one else has left you and hates you doesn’t mean we will, even if we live miles apart.

I’m really trying to not get too angry or cry too many tears through this, but I can’t help it right now. I have been deeply hurt this week multiple times. I have been talked to like a 10 year old kid. I have not been shown an ounce of trust or respect from them and I have given them no reason to not trust or respect me. Even worse, I don’t see an end to this.

I’m a deeply wounded soul this week. I wish it would have been someone who didn’t matter that did this. Then, at least the wounds wouldn’t run so deep. I’m wounded and don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I need. Maybe affirmation. Maybe some love and care. Definitely prayer. I don’t want to wound the other person just to get back at them. That’s not how I need to handle it. However, I feel that this person will still be offended by my (and Kindel’s) decisions no matter what.

Why is it that the most selfish people are the same ones who claim to know God’s will for MY life… just so they can justify their opinions? If God wills that for me (and my soon-to-be-wife), then God will make that clear to us. We are adults.

I’m ranting and in tears. God, mend my wounds and speak to each of our hearts.

~ by Cody Thomas on 23 May 2008.